I would like to take a moment to discuss adoption. As of this summer my wife and I had decided to adopt a child, but due to circumstances we needed to put it off to maybe next year. So this subject has been on my mind for a while. The thing is, I have decided to find a new career path for myself and leave the web design/web programming field. As one of those universal coincidenses, the first job I find to apply for is with the State of Alaska’s Children Services, Adoption Unit… Hmmmm a sign?
Well anyways to move on, I went to the interview and they manged to hit me with some questions I did not expect and in answering I had to try to see things from another prespective and this led to a few days of thinking on the subject and brings us to this posting.
The In’s and Out’s of the Adoption Problem.
To be honest I have known a few adoptive parents, even a couple here in Juneau. Wether in Germany or here one things holds true… to many parents go to foreign countries while their own countries, their own states have children in abundance who need a good family.
Now on one hand we have Angelina Jollie, whatever you may think of her or her motivations… she could have been mother to some American kids, but she chose Africa. They have kids who need it too and you can argue more than we do. She may be doing this oput of a need to save a childs life and bring attention to the plight of those children. Well and good, I will not judge her, it is not a bad idea.
On the other hand we have Gerhard Schroeder, former Chancellor of Germany. He was not much a fan of the US, his best friend was Russia’s Putin. Mr. Putin saw to it that Fam. Schroeder was able to adopt a Russian child in about three months. Have any of you ever heard of a 3 month adoption? Usually it takes years! So naturally potential German adoptive parents were rather upset that they have to jump through hoops for the German’s and Russians and he gets a kid just like that. Many other Germans were upset as well for the simple reason that this man was the leader of Germany, he is expected to be the person they look to for guidance, the example… and rather than adopt a German child in need, he gets one from Russia… Hello? That is just… wrong. Maybe when he retired it would be different, but not while in office.
So what is this then? Why do so many people adopt outside the US/there country? In some cases it may be guilt about how these poor kids live without really considering how ours live. But in to many cases I think it is just easier, less red tape. That said however, I have heard that as Eastern Europe’s Qulity of Life improves, it is getting harder for foreigners to adopt there, I don’t know for sure if this is true or not.
Now I might sound as if I am criticizing the adoption laws and workers in the US and Alaska. That is not my intention at all. First off it is the politicians who make the laws and not the case workers trying to help these kids, but mostly the problem is:
- They are trying to get these kids into a good home.
- They are trying to get these kids into a good home.
These people are not the enemy, in fact they would love to get every familiy a child and every child a family. I do not doubt that they do there best and I am not saying that because I hope to be one of them. No, to do this job you have to care. At the same time however, they do not want the kids in abusive homes, they do not want the kids in places where they will not be nurtured or that the parents in the end cannot handle it. So they have to be sure and this results in checks, checks and more checks and proof of this that and the other thing. They have to walk a small line between protecting the children while at the same time not making adoption so difficult that people give up or do not even try. Having looked at adoption and spoken with adoptive parents, it is daunting.
The other issue that bothers me of course is age and special needs children. Age is simply that most parents want a baby who will grow up as their child. When you are middle school age/teens, chances are pretty slim you will be adopted. Terrible as it is it is not something I can really hold against such prospective parents. The special needs children are of course closer to my heart, one might say they need not only good parents, but really good and understanding parents. Anyone reading this with kids know how hard they can be to raise, but when the child has extra needs, it is that much more stress on the parents. The worse the health of the child is, the harder it is to find parents. Face it, in the end we all want healthy children, so there are fewer adoptive parents willing and able to handle the extra difficulties of a special needs child.
As for us? Yea we would like a baby, but we also see that all kids need parents and so are more than willing to take an older child, however younger than our birth child. Due to our own experience with special needs children we are willing to adopt one, but realize we have enough issues to hinder us caring for a seriously disabled child, but a more minor ailment we would be willing to adopt. But what we will not discuss any further is that the child will be American. If we are living here, it will be an Alaskan child. Last but not least, if at all possible, it will be a naitive child. This has been our wish all along. I am part Patawatomie and am proud of that heritage and my family is active with the local Tlingit and Haida culture and people. We will take a child and we will raise them to be proud of their heritage. We will teach them what we can and see to it that as long as we live here they have contact with their culture and tribes. It is just an added bonus that I learned in the interview that Alaskan Naitives are only 20% of the population but 60% of the children who need adoptive homes. So we are appy to help the largest group if we can.
So if you ever consider a child or another child, consider adoption. There are millions of kids out there who wish family as much as you wish for a child.
Then consider or speak frankly with friends wishing to adopt about getting an American child and one from your state. Then if you think you have what it takes… please search in yourself and decide if you can help an older child, a minority (meaning most likely the majority number) child and consider of course special needs children. Do not feel guilty if you want your own child, or a healthy or baby child. Not everyone is cut out for the additional problems. You and the child must be happy. But at least consider the “outsiders” in the adoptive world or help your friends to do so.